Phobophobia- the fear of phobias

Do you suffer from a phobia?  Any fears at all?

I HATE flying.  In fact, I avoided it for more than a decade of my marriage.  I flew on our honeymoon.   Six flights in all, three to our destination, three home.  On the last flight, seven days into our marriage, I told my husband he was the worst person alive. I also told him I hated him.  (Yes, I did...shame...shame.) The plane was overbooked (I begged him to give up our seats.)  

We were exhausted.  More importantly, I had assumed I would die on this trip via the plane falling out of the sky.  (Gruesome, yes, but honest.)  And since this was the very last flight out of the six, I was certain that this was the ONE. In my mind, we were not going to make it home and live happily ever after as husband and wife.  

Luckily, my patient husband ignored my ranting (and sweating palms) buckled me in tight, and reminded me we'd be home in less than 45 minutes.   Chicago to Detroit is a very short flight. 

Well, twenty years later, I 'm still alive.  So, yes, we made it.  He didn't ask me to fly again for a very long time. 

I have flown since then. I still hate it.  I still think I'm going to die.  My palms are sweaty.  I don't have visible panic attacks (only on the inside), but my heart is racing the entire time, along with my thoughts.   I've made it to Florida several times, New York, San Antonia and Chicago.   Bless, his heart, now he wants to take me to Hawaii for our 20th anniversary.  Who wouldn't want to go to Hawaii?   ME. ME. ME.  Unless I can get there via molecular travel.  I hyperventilate just thinking about eight hours stuck in a small metal tube that impossibly flies miles above the ground, on some invisible marshmallowy nothingness called air.  All of my control is in the hands of some stranger siting in a closet-sized, bullet-proof space.  Sure the pilot is dressed in a deceiving suit, but his/her hat is decorated with fake wings.   I'm also not thrilled that there's some magic button that allows the plane to magically fly by itself, while he takes a sweet nap.  (No offense meant to any pilots.  I'm exaggerating, of course, but I'm calling it how my phobic mind sees it.)

So, anyway, I will eventually get there--to Hawaii, I mean.   Hopefully it will be via a plane, but I guarantee I won't be ready by next year. 

Since my goal on this blog is to improve myself, and help others do the same, I want to tackle my fear of flying.  I want to be adventurous.  I want to see Hawaii.  I want to travel abroad!
Any ideas to help me get there?  (FYI: I'm not talking about a cruise ship.)

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